I’m feeling all sorts of things.
I realized a little while ago that anxiety plays a big role in my daily life, so I’m doing my best to cut out caffeine and alcohol while exercising more and eating healthier. It’s going okay. Just difficult to be consistent, especially since I work at a coffee shop and also at a bar. so…
On top of the anxiety and health stuff, I’m really pushing myself to be a better communicator with co-workers and just in every day life. I’m wanting to make less assumptions, be more aware, more sensitive, etc. But most importantly, I’m really trying to speak only to the things I know and love. For instance, if a matter doesn’t concern me, and/or if I have something negative to say about a matter, especially in a professional environment, it’s best to stay out of it. This is difficult for me because I LOVE telling people what I think because I think am VERY smart and I REALLY enjoy attention. So anyways. I’m trying to do better at communicating. I’m trying to check myself before I say stupid things to the wrong people. I share this negative quality with my mother.
Lastly. If you’ve followed this blog, you know that I have changed my approach to music a lot this year. I’ve realized that for now, it’s best to pursue music as a passion project with no expectations. And so I have. And it’s been really nice. But tonight, I’m just feeling really down about it. I feel like I was born to write songs and share them with the world. I’m just feeling a little down about it. It’s really hard to let go of your dreams. It’s also difficult to put so many hours into practicing guitar and songwriting, only to reap zero benefits and work low level jobs.
Those are some of my thoughts and emotions.
Regardless of how I feel at this very moment, the truth is that I’ve done a lot of work on myself this year. I’m gaining more self-awareness by the day, growing in my abilities as a musician, and making healthier choices all around. I’m in a much better state than I was even six months ago. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. But some nights, some weeks, some months, you just get growing pains. Real change takes time and determination.