3.27.19

this photo was taken at Cold Springs Tavern in the mountains above Santa Barbara. it represents to me the beauty and draw of Santa Barbara and how much i love visiting. the day this was taken will always be a wonderful memory. photo by Sarah Bailey

this photo was taken at Cold Springs Tavern in the mountains above Santa Barbara. it represents to me the beauty and draw of Santa Barbara and how much i love visiting. the day this was taken will always be a wonderful memory. photo by Sarah Bailey

I’m taking it one day at a time. I wish my life was more stable and consistent, because I find myself adopting a new mindset every day. A slight exaggeration of course, but what I mean is that I tend to be ecstatic about life one day, and dread it the next. I also tend to change my outlook on music and what I’m doing in LA almost daily. I don’t know if this is a healthy way to live, but while it takes a toll on me emotionally, I do feel that my openness and aimlessness is conducive to my ultimate goals.

On Monday, after one conversation with Sarah, I decided to stop pursuing music as a career and start enjoying it for fun with zero expectations. But last night, one conversation with the dishwasher at the restaurant made me feel like “well why shouldn’t I give music a real shot and just go for it and be resourceful and smart and dominate?!”. So this shows you a few things. Number one, I am quite the verbal processor. It is very important for me to gain insight from others and often times, I am incredibly open to rearranging my mindset based on a conversation. Number two, it shows you how polarized I feel in terms of the music. Some days, I feel that I am destined to be a huge success and influence a generation, and some days I actually hate myself and feel disgust towards my songs. I guess that’s why I started this blog. Because whether I’m a touring act in 5 years or an elementary school teacher, it will still be wildly fascinating to look back on how each day informed my future.

Today, I feel encouraged to get back out there and keep making shit happen for myself. I’m determined to work with a producer down here and finally worked up the courage to email him again yesterday. I’m hoping he’ll agree to mix a project for me, which would be a great way to build a relationship with him and his studio staff. They seem really knowledgable and connected and if I can find a way inside this crazy LA music scene, I think things would snowball for me this year.

I’m also going to book a few shows to attend in April. I liked getting out so frequently in February, and I think I need to continue finding jam sessions, great venues, emerging artists, etc. After drinks and parking, going to shows can be expensive, but I think it’s a good investment right now.

Finally, the other day I received confirmation of an acoustic house show gig that I’m booked to play on April 20. I attended the event in February and it was packed with young people eager to listen quietly to songwriters. It’s the perfect venue for me, and I am so jazzed to perform! Now that I have one show booked, I plan on reaching out to other venues this morning to see if maybe I can get a string of performances going in April/May. I’ve had a pretty hard time booking gigs in the last year or so, but I think I’m getting smarter about which venues to pursue and how to reach out.

So, those are my three objectives really. If I can get out more, continue to stay in contact with connected music producers, and play more shows, I’d say I’m on my way to getting my music and my name out there.

I would love to find a healthy balance mentally and emotionally. I think I could use a more care-free and liberated mindset while at the same time being less fickle about music and more driven. In other words, more confident, less concerned about myself and more present.

I took yesterday to consider the possibilities of completely leaving music behind and finding a full time job and what that could be like, but I just think it would be unfair to myself to just quit.

Ashton York