I spent the day with Sarah in Santa Barbara. It was such a beautiful day and we had a really nice time together. We walked along the ocean via this trail off the mesa. We sat on a giant log looking out over the ocean and talked for over an hour. It was a little windy and cold, but also very clear and the different shades of blue and green in the ocean seemed especially vibrant.
A few things became clear to me in our conversation that I think are valuable. Sarah pointed out that while she has a considerable dream of certain successes in mind for the future, she also doesn’t worry too much about the when’s and how’s. She knows she’s driven, proactive, talented, and very smart, and she takes life one day at a time. What struck me about this is that she doesn’t appear to have any doubt that her goals and aspirations will find her. To her, these dreams and goals are a given. They already happened in a sense. She’s just stepping into her future successes one day at a time.
The other thing that became clear to me is how forced and frustrating and difficult my music path has been so far. Nothing has ever been good enough for me. In a sense, I can see myself as a “dramatic victim” in relationship to music. And on the other hand, I can see where that dramatic victim is coming from. But alas my friends, on Monday, March 25th of 2019, Ashton Whittaker decided to let go of some things.
Sarah and I spoke at length about lies. It’s taken me a really long time to understand that my relationship with music can be pure and fun. I actually don’t need to worry about anything other than the music. I love to write and collaborate and see a song find it’s way in the studio. I love to perform. I love to attend performances. I love listening to music. I love talking about it. Why is it that for so long this all wasn’t enough? The lie is, of course, that this all is NOT enough.
The lie is that there is all this other shit I have to do. I have to brand myself and market my music and have release strategies and so on. I have to be somebody. My songs have to reach lots of people and make me money. I have to tour. I have to have a “go getter” mentality. But I really don’t want to do those things. None of that is true to me. That is one way to pursue music, but not the only way. I just want to write songs and make music. That’s my way.